I like having this.  It's a safe little hideaway for when I feel lonely.  Nobody would ever figure out this is mine.  I can be myself.  Sick, sad, lonely.  And I can do what the hell I want on here!  Not that I am safe sitting here, on a computer open to the entire room.  I wish I had my laptop but no it's broken and I can't afford to get it fixed.  I can't wait until I live in my own place, although, I won't have a computer at all to work on, but at least I would get some privacy. 

So in the past two months I have been betrayed maybe 12 or 13 times I can think off the top of my head.  You can't trust anyone anymore, except God of course, but people no. 

On a positive note, my parents have put me on a budget.  A very stupid move on their part as know I will have more money to spend though, they think not.  They just won't believe me that I barely spend anything to live.  At first I was mad because they won't believe me, but then I was thinking, what am I mad about?  I'll have more money now.  Oh well, what can I do??

On another plus side, my movie is freakin great!!!  God has really blessed me through it all.  Without him it wouldn't be so great!  I'm still praying on Him to guide me through it thru the editing process.  Feels good to do it.  I've wanted to.  It's about sexual abuse in the family.  I really felt it when I did it, and I had an awesome DP who felt the story with me!!!  If I hadn't of had someone who was with me heart and soul on the story I really don't think it would have come out so good.  It's such a great collaboration effort. 

My biggest problem is going to be music.  There is soo much signed artist music I would love to use, but I can't afford any of those copy rights.  I wish I could find an independent artist with the same heart and soul.

I miss my love!  I have been so busy with school I haven't really had an opportunity to hold him in my arms and me in his.  Yesterday at least I was soo stressed from overwork and he made me take a break, in the elevator and the hallway I could rest my head on him.  Outside I did a little bit too.  I can't wait until I can rest on him some more!  He's sooo warm and soft!

I know this won't last.  It can't, but hey while I still have him I am going to enjoy every moment possible to be with him.  Even if I'm just sitting next to him in the computer lab and not really being able to interact with him, it's something.  I am going to treasure every single moment.